Due to a trauma-induced childhood, which later also put me in more traumatic, toxic, and abusive relationships I found myself in, both on a friendship level and with men, which made it worse. So, I craved to find paths of healing. The paths merged with various side-roads I walked on: from having weekly to monthly sessions with a therapist, to reading self-help books, and work on myself every single day, with loads of sleep in between. Since I live on an island, going to the sea and staying barefoot on the sand also helped. My only friends and constant companions were my two dogs, Sprocket and Tinker. I spent weekends and evenings by myself not for a few days or a few months, but for years. This created another challenge: learning to embrace an undesired solitude.
Part of this period saw me suffering health wise due to financial stress, since my boyfriend at the time with whom I had purchased property suddenly told me that this is too much of a responsibility for him and that he does not even want to get married. This saw me doing a house all by myself. In the meantime, the relationship ended.
During this period I was also being bullied at the workplace, which made me reach a breaking point until I resigned. I also joined local sport communities to practise my favourite sport, running, in the hope to also find some friends. No luck in here either which made me go from one coach to the next, one sport community to the next. But each time, I found myself swimming in the same waters. I ended up leaving and today, I practise sport by myself.
There are other details which I cannot go through due to the gravity of their nature, but to cut the story short, I could not understand why I had to suffer this much on all levels. I was not angry at God, but I did experience loss of faith and shifted from agnosticism to atheism, to Buddhism, to Hinduism, to paganism and even the occult.
While the first four were a conscious decision, the last two were not, because I was led unaware to them. Since I kept on seeking ways of healing, always seeking the next ‘high vibe’ and the next feel-good factor, I started attending crystal healing therapy sessions and workshops. During such sessions, tarot cards were also used, and we used to do yoga under the full moon, where we used to write our desires on a piece of paper and burn them in fire while manifesting them. We also used to use pendulums to which we used to ask questions and according to the side it rotates to which we would have given a yes or no in the beginning, we would get the answer.
During one of these workshops, the woman doing them said that she is a witch, but a good witch. In her room, there was a Buddha statue on which she used to put all the paper money she earned, loads of crystals and in the middle, she had a big statue of Iris, an Egyptian goddess of ‘healing and magic.’ In another session, she told us that in her previous life, she was this goddess. During one of the one-to-one tarot cards and crystal healing session with her, I remember the front door, which was closed, opening up by itself and suddenly closing with a bang. I got startled on my seat and she said that I should not worry because that means there is a guardian angel or a spirit guide next to me. She said that this happens often during her sessions.
In another community I was part of, sessions with the Ouija board were done. I remember being kicked by something so hard that I got dizzy, almost fell, and had to go to the side and sit. We used to be told that with the Ouija board they are opening portals to connect with angels and our ancestors. Believe me, something was surely opened as the Ouija board truly moved by its own whenever questions were asked. And I do not drink alcohol as I do not like it, so I can assure you that I was not imagining. And neither was the rest of the group.
I was also introduced to the Law of Attraction. I watched videos about it and learned the tricks. I made endless lists to ‘The Universe’ or ‘The Source’. I made a vision board. I became fixated reading this list every morning and before going to sleep. Nothing worked, which made me get more frustrated. To add insult to injury, the fellow new agers used to tell me that the lack of manifesting was my fault because I was not trying hard enough or any other reason they came up with. Not really encouraging and supportive, isn’t it? Looking back the reasons are that God’s paths for me were otherwise and because I never gave my soul fully to the dark side.
My house was filled with buddhas, feathers and other esoteric stuff. I also had books about witchcraft and wicca.
Then I was introduced to another community where the aim was to ‘feel the love’, ‘spread the love’ and ‘create space for inner healing and that of the world.’ Occult was also practised in this community and despite the new agers claimed that they are supportive and want to spread the love, rest assured that the back stabbing and selfishness were very much constant.
I was still blessed that throughout, God was still showing up to me, with unexpected blessings, which the world calls coincidences. There are no coincidences or luck when you are a Christian. It is God sending opportunities and showing you different paths. Your job is to sharpen your God given discernment and follow. This awareness that a powerful God was showing up to me, prompted me to understand that I was being part of communities which are not doing me any good. I did not know that it was a New Age Religion of the New Age Movement and that I was a New Ager.
My personal experience as a former occultist and New Ager in the New Age Movement – part one
Due to a trauma-induced childhood, which later also put me in more traumatic, toxic, and abusive relationships I found myself in, both on a friendship level and with men, which made it worse. So, I craved to find paths of healing. The paths merged with various side-roads I walked on: from having weekly to monthly sessions with a therapist, to reading self-help books, and work on myself every single day, with loads of sleep in between. Since I live on an island, going to the sea and staying barefoot on the sand also helped. My only friends and constant companions were my two dogs, Sprocket and Tinker. I spent weekends and evenings by myself not for a few days or a few months, but for years. This created another challenge: learning to embrace an undesired solitude.
Part of this period saw me suffering health wise due to financial stress, since my boyfriend at the time with whom I had purchased property suddenly told me that this is too much of a responsibility for him and that he does not even want to get married. This saw me doing a house all by myself. In the meantime, the relationship ended.
During this period I was also being bullied at the workplace, which made me reach a breaking point until I resigned. I also joined local sport communities to practise my favourite sport, running, in the hope to also find some friends. No luck in here either which made me go from one coach to the next, one sport community to the next. But each time, I found myself swimming in the same waters. I ended up leaving and today, I practise sport by myself.
There are other details which I cannot go through due to the gravity of their nature, but to cut the story short, I could not understand why I had to suffer this much on all levels. I was not angry at God, but I did experience loss of faith and shifted from agnosticism to atheism, to Buddhism, to Hinduism, to paganism and even the occult.
While the first four were a conscious decision, the last two were not, because I was led unaware to them. Since I kept on seeking ways of healing, always seeking the next ‘high vibe’ and the next feel-good factor, I started attending crystal healing therapy sessions and workshops. During such sessions, tarot cards were also used, and we used to do yoga under the full moon, where we used to write our desires on a piece of paper and burn them in fire while manifesting them. We also used to use pendulums to which we used to ask questions and according to the side it rotates to which we would have given a yes or no in the beginning, we would get the answer.
During one of these workshops, the woman doing them said that she is a witch, but a good witch. In her room, there was a Buddha statue on which she used to put all the paper money she earned, loads of crystals and in the middle, she had a big statue of Iris, an Egyptian goddess of ‘healing and magic.’ In another session, she told us that in her previous life, she was this goddess. During one of the one-to-one tarot cards and crystal healing session with her, I remember the front door, which was closed, opening up by itself and suddenly closing with a bang. I got startled on my seat and she said that I should not worry because that means there is a guardian angel or a spirit guide next to me. She said that this happens often during her sessions.
In another community I was part of, sessions with the Ouija board were done. I remember being kicked by something so hard that I got dizzy, almost fell, and had to go to the side and sit. We used to be told that with the Ouija board they are opening portals to connect with angels and our ancestors. Believe me, something was surely opened as the Ouija board truly moved by its own whenever questions were asked. And I do not drink alcohol as I do not like it, so I can assure you that I was not imagining. And neither was the rest of the group.
I was also introduced to the Law of Attraction. I watched videos about it and learned the tricks. I made endless lists to ‘The Universe’ or ‘The Source’. I made a vision board. I became fixated reading this list every morning and before going to sleep. Nothing worked, which made me get more frustrated. To add insult to injury, the fellow new agers used to tell me that the lack of manifesting was my fault because I was not trying hard enough or any other reason they came up with. Not really encouraging and supportive, isn’t it? Looking back the reasons are that God’s paths for me were otherwise and because I never gave my soul fully to the dark side.
My house was filled with buddhas, feathers and other esoteric stuff. I also had books about witchcraft and wicca.
Then I was introduced to another community where the aim was to ‘feel the love’, ‘spread the love’ and ‘create space for inner healing and that of the world.’ Occult was also practised in this community and despite the new agers claimed that they are supportive and want to spread the love, rest assured that the back stabbing and selfishness were very much constant.
I was still blessed that throughout, God was still showing up to me, with unexpected blessings, which the world calls coincidences. There are no coincidences or luck when you are a Christian. It is God sending opportunities and showing you different paths. Your job is to sharpen your God given discernment and follow. This awareness that a powerful God was showing up to me, prompted me to understand that I was being part of communities which are not doing me any good. I did not know that it was a New Age Religion of the New Age Movement and that I was a New Ager.