If depression has a colour, it wouldn’t be black. It would be dull, muted grey.
Black makes a statement.
It’s solid, not allowing any light in. It’s bold. It’s loud. It’s in your face. It’s like the infinite night sky. It’s lovely sin in lace.
Muted grey isn’t any of those things. It’s dull. It’s numb.
It’s soft background white noise. It’s pale and not blatantly seen.
It blends in to the scenery without other people even noticing.
It still lets some light in. It’s nothing. It says nothing. It’s just there-existing. Lifeless and drained of all life, spirit, color, and the essence of who you are. You lose your identity. You lose your personality.
In depression, you lose everything that makes you-you. You’re muted gray. And that’s okay. In time, you’ll heal little by little, getting yourself out of the monotone darkness you know so well. You made a bed there. You’re comfortable there. Safe. But don’t stay there. Even though it feels like home. It’s not. It’s a big grey-black veil over your real self. Your soul. Once you start healing, you lift the veil up little by little….letting light in.
As months and years go by, you’ve healed in many little steps that add up to a huge change in you. You’re still in depression, but nowhere near as deep as you were. You remember how you were back then, and you see how much you healed for the better. You see you’re not staring at walls or patterns on drapes, or blankly staring at the floor. You’re not closed off, you’re not as quiet, you’re smiling more, laughing more, engaging more, doing more activities you used to love and enjoy, being more sociable, and overall just being the real YOU. You see more of your old personality shining through. THAT’S when you see the difference in you. You’re not 100% healed by any means. But you’ve made strides. More and more…seeing your old self there in the distance in the field. Go get her. She needs you back.
Michele McKenna, Simple Elegance, Michele McKenna, Writer
#humanityliftinghumanity